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The Buttafli meets the Lion King

In the spring of 2003 I graduated from college to begin a journey.  I remember returning to Chicago thinking I’d jump into my dream job, make money; buy a house and then a car.  When my dad’s different agenda of paying rent came into play, reality set in. I began a job as a case manager for a local community mental health center, deciding to save the world- one patient at a time. Within 6 years, I became a mother, earned a graduate degree, purchased a car and condo, started my own non-profit, taught dance, and moonlighted as an actress in local theatre productions. Thank God for my wonderful family and friends (The Village), and their sacrifices for me, which allowed me to stay on track with fulfilling a destiny that I had no idea was on my life.

I eventually became the Assistant Director of Human Resources at the mental health agency, which initially seemed to be the ideal position to best suit my on-the-job talents. Then, my family life got turned upside down. People very close to me began to act out in ways I had never imagined. I was very happy at work, but miserable at home. I was a single mom and didn’t quite know how to do that whole parenting thing. My mom was killed by a drunk driver when I was three years old. Needless to say, without my mom to help me through the mothering process, I really had no idea what to do. But, God sends someone to help right when we think we’re about to face the end. Many women began sharing with me, caring for my child, and pouring into me things about being a mother that I initially had no clue about.

Then, the opposite happened. Just when my personal life was doing well, my professional life took a turn for the worse. My new boss and I were at odds, a battle causing me to eventually leave the agency. I took a leap of faith and went into a new job in the middle of a recession in downtown Chicago, with less pay, as a Training Coordinator – almost three grades lower than my previous position.  Even though this meant that my daughter and I would have to possibly live off of Ramen Noodles and chicken fingers to keep the mortgage current, I was willing to make the sacrifice for my sanity and peace. But the lesson was not over… I entered into the violence prevention sector with a supervisor of very similar management style as my previous manager. I began to feel bullied- again and ended up quitting that job as well. One day, got up from my desk, put my valuables in a box, and told my boss I was leaving and that I would not be coming back. I woke up for a few mornings with what I think were panic attacks. I remember being scared out of my mind. That’s when I prayed.

I decided to do a benefit concert to help fund my non-profit organization that I had let become stagnant as I transitioned from job to job. In preparation, I walked into the Checkerboard Lounge with my daughter and asked to see the owner. I told him that I wanted to have a concert on the first Sunday of every month. On December 6, 2009, I performed for a packed out house of family, friends and soon to be proud supporters of B.FLI Productions, Inc.

After that show, I got a call for another job, began work with the Board of Education and also continued to audition for plays. I was sitting at my desk when I got the call that I had received the star role of Aida. Little did I know, within two months of getting that call, I would also be a part of a massive reduction in force effort within the Board of Education. Rehearsals for Aida started almost immediately after I got laid off. I eventually developed a routine to give myself a pattern for the day as I had done while working an office job. I woke up, got my daughter ready for school, dropped her off, went to the gym, looked for auditions and agents, picked her up from school, made dinner, and ended our day with rehearsal.

I never stopped. I was tired, alone, and my house was going into foreclosure.

When the Lion King came to Chicago, I was number 407 of about 455 auditioning and there for at least 5 hours. I went for the first call back wearing a t-shirt, sweat pants with one leg rolled up, and a stocking cap with a knot at the top on my head. They LOVED it! I sent the casting director an email thanking him for the great experience. His response was; “… It’s just a matter of when the right things open up for you.” I think he unknowing gave God the cue to let it pour because after that email, that’s exactly what it did!

I share this story because, while I couldn’t fit every detail of my journey, the obstacles still remain. I cried, stayed up late hours, hustled, got lonely and gave pieces of myself to others just to feel like I wasn’t alone in the struggle. It was hard, but I always listened to the guiding, positive spirits around me. I never judged where jewels came from because I didn’t have anything to lose. Being in a vulnerable place, or one of misfortune, reveals our humanity in ways we sometimes cannot describe. However, we are never alone.  It is important to trust to listen and not be threatened or afraid of what we’re being led to do.

So, I’ll share a very special confession that was given to me by my spiritual advisor:

For I am the Head and not the tail

Above only and not beneath

I have favor with God and with man

And everything that my hands touch prospers

The enemy comes at me one way

But flees seven different ways

Because of the anointing on my life

And I have been made

In the righteousness of God

Through faith

In Jesus name (In authority)

Amen

 

Love in Flight,

Rashada A. A. Dawan, M.A.